Children who live in two homes after their parents split up are facing significant changes from the lifestyle they grew up living. Instead of being able to spend time with both parents in one home, they’re suddenly thrust into having to divide their time between parents.
Another primary change that they have to make is learning how to handle two different sets of rules, schedules and expectations. Parents can help to alleviate some of the stress related to that aspect of living in separate homes by keeping some of those facets of life consistent between both homes.
Not everything has to be the same
It’s highly unlikely that you and your ex will agree on everything related to the children or how the household will run. Instead of trying to come to an agreement about all of the details, consider trying to find common ground for the bigger issues. This might include bedtime routines for younger children or expectations for school and grades for older children.
Consistency in each home also matters
Even if you and your ex can’t agree on anything that should be consistent between homes, you should still ensure that things in your own home are consistent. This should start as soon as the split occurs. It may be tempting to be lax when the move first happens, but that can be hard for children to overcome. Instead, keep everything consistent from the start so the children only have to adjust once.
Having the terms you and your ex agree on spelled out in the parenting plan is beneficial. It may be best to work with someone familiar with these matters so they can help guide you as you determine what to include.